The original version of this article was published on Con p de párkinson, a blog for women with PD by women with PD.
Rosalía de Castro, a 19th century Galician poet, wrote a poem called Negra sombra (Black Shadow). Over the years it has been given multiple interpretations; the most frequent ones refer to pain, illness and, sometimes, depression. Rosalía writes about a perennial shadow that does not disappear even when the sun shines. We could say that Parkinson's disease is something similar.
Reading the stories of the women in Con p de parkinson, it is easy to see that we all face similar shadows. Communicating our diagnosis to family and friends, worrying about how we will juggle family life with this new reality, and anguishing about our professional future, as well as how our bosses and colleagues will react, are just a few examples.
In my case, I had to tell my parents over the phone, an ocean away. I was with a good friend, who was able to pick up the conversation when I couldn’t continue talking. I will never thank her enough. As for my professional life, I have a secure job with unbeatable conditions, which even put some of the best doctors in the world within my reach.
May 16, 2016: that was D-day, the day I was diagnosed. I took the ferry back home and sat on a bench in the sun. From the beginning, a couple of things were clear: I would not hide my disability and I would do everything I could to raise awareness among those around me. After speaking directly to those closest to me, in February 2017 I used social media to "come out of the Parkinson's closet." I was showered with love, support and affection. Every time I reread those messages, I get a lump in my throat.
It was hard for me to admit that I would need help from time to time. I would venture to say that the women of my generation have learned to be strong, independent and unstoppable. When we are faced with a "shadow" and realize that we need help with something, we can feel a bit like a fraud. So I had to learn not only to ask for help, but also to receive it.
My favorite lines from Negra sombra are: "i eres a estrela que brila, i eres o vento que zoa" (in English, "and you are the star that shines, and you are the wind that blows."). Perhaps because we can all be stars, we can be light for other people with Parkinson's; at the same time, we can be wind, the one that swells the sails and moves the ships.
P.S.: There are countless musical versions of “Negra sombra”, the most famous was recorded by Carlos Núñez and Luz Casal, for the soundtrack of the movie Sea Inside. One of the most recent was recorded during the COVID-19 pandemic by Cristina Pato and Rosa Cedrón.